Falling Is Like This
by Tone1
Summary: After the Shaggi system distroyed his job, Yamaki can't deal with it anymore. So he does the one thing he knows how to do. Angst, Swearing, Suicide.


Disclaimer: Tone does not own Digimon. Tone does not own Yamaki. Tone does not own Reika or Megium or Rosa. So do not sue Tone, 'cause all Tone can give you is $15 and you are SO not getting close to her Yamaki picture collection.  
  
Warning: Angst. More angst. Suicide. Swearing. Yay, fun.  
  
Falling Is Like This  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The bridge seems too low. Doesn't this fucking town have any higher ones?! Maybe I'll get lucky and a truck will run over my crippled body. At least no one's staring at me. God, their eyes. Staring, judging, laughing.they have the right to.  
  
The knife lost it's edge. The pain doesn't help. Slashing my arms is getting too boring. Hell, the blood isn't even seeping through my shirt anymore. Damn knife.  
  
I wonder how the others are doing. Maybe I should have said good bye. Yeah, like they'd care. My new nicknames are a riot. I'm a failure, a freak of nature. I try to give it my all, and I almost die in return. I should have died. Why Reika?  
  
Why did you save me?  
  
The whispers, the rumours, the truths, the lies. Megium, Reika, Janyuu, stop pretending you care.  
  
If you cared, why weren't you there when I needed you? Why did you always leave me? Why didn't you save me then?  
  
How stupid was I, Reika? How did you feel as you saw me yell that final command to activate Shaggai? Why didn't you stop me? I thought you cared. You just had to accept that job, Yamaki no baka.biggest mistake.  
  
Well, that'll be my last.  
  
Staring at this moment, I'm gonna correct all the mistakes I ever made starting with the biggest and ending with it. After all, who needs a Yamaki Mitsuo?  
  
Certainly not my 'friends'. As if the children care. And definitely not Reika. On Reika, I guess I'm a failure to you too, huh? A failure of nature, against God's rule. I'm sorry I dragged you into that hole with me. I'm sorry I cried when you told me my life was nothing. I'm sorry for wasting you time. I'm sorry for being born. Don't worry, I'm going to correct that mistake soon. It's the least I can do, isn't it? No one will care. It won't end with a bang - guns are hard to come by on such short notice. Not a whimper - that wouldn't be fun. But a splat. My poisonous blood splashing in crimson waves. Hell, when the cars run me over, maybe they'll do me a favour and let their wheel tear at my heart.  
  
Now where is it? The only thing that was able to bring about some relief in this crazy fucked up world.here it is. Why did you give this to me, Rosa? It's just anouther part of my memories. And memories never did anyone any good. But holding it reminds me of you, Rosa. You always made me smile.  
  
I'm so sorry Rosa. I'm sorry I didn't get there fast enough, that I let him take your life. I wish that fuck had never been born, that he had picked someone else's life to take except yours. I wish he was dead. But no, he's still out there. Damn it, why did you have to die? Why couldn't it have been him?  
  
Do you still love me? Even though I failed you, that I cried when I told you I wouldn't cry? That I told you I'd protect you forever, yet I got there too late?  
  
I've failed you Rosa. Making you ashamed of me. I'm a failure to everyone.  
  
You'd say I'm giving up too easily and I guess I am. But it's the only way I know how to handle it. So don't think about me anymore. Don't waste your time.  
  
Hey, something's in my eye.humph. I though I told you I wouldn't cry. It was my promise, wasn't it? I still remember those words, "Aishiteru, Mitsuo.please, don't cry.live for me." Why do I still cry?  
  
I want to talk Rosa, but no one's here to listen. Everyone turns their back on me. My co-workers, my 'friends'. Reika. I thought you cared. I thought maybe, just maybe, you would be the one to fill the void that was me when Rosa died. But you're just like the others. You pretend to care.  
  
But if you cared, you'd be here now, wouldn't you?  
  
Reika, I know you. You hate me. You hate me for making you suffer. I'm so sorry. I don't want anyone else to get hurt. It hurts me to say this, but in my own weird, deluded way, I like you. I hope you find love some day.  
  
Can you hear me Rosa?  
  
Do you know what I feel?  
  
Do you know why I have to live through this?  
  
Do you know why I don't want to?  
  
Do you know how fucked up I am?!  
  
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get mad at you. I guess you hate me now to, huh? You should. If I had never fallen for you, maybe you'd still be alive. I wouldn't be a failure. We'd be happy. If you hadn't died. If I.I.  
  
The rush hour traffic should roll in any minute now. Hope I don't mess up the cars too much. Oh well, blood washes off easily anyways. They'll probably be mad at my for making them miss dinner.  
  
Now all I gotta do is put my leg over the railing.now the other.and just sit and wait. It must look odd, a 32 year old man sitting on the edge of a bridge in a blue shirt and nice pants. Not that anyone would care.  
  
Damn, the city looks fucked from here. I've never noticed the layer of brown pollution hanging over the city. Well, at least I wouldn't be dying of toxic fumes.  
  
All right! A logging truck's coming. Better get ready and -  
  
Ah! The railing's more slippery than I though. Good. It'll help me jump off easily. Now, if the trucks coming at that speed, I should jump.when it's around.that tree. He can always run me over if my calculation is wrong as usual. And no time for the brakes to work. Everything is perfect.  
  
I wonder.if I am a freak, a failure to protect my world, against 'God's will', will I go to Hell? I guess I'll find out. Heh, wouldn't it be funny if I was looking down from Heaven and laughing at those bastards.  
  
Oh, the truck's coming around the last corner. Man, everyone speeds in this city. Those cars must be going at least 100. Why is that truck not here yet?!  
  
"Mitsuo!!"  
  
What? Reika? Why are you here? I knew I shouldn't have left that note on the coffee table. She looks kinda.scared?  
  
"MITSUO! WAIT!!"  
  
What's she so worked up about? She should be home now.she shouldn't be running so hard, she looks likes she's gonna pass out.  
  
"Oy, Reika! Don't run so hard!" I give her the biggest smile I could muster and waved at her. That's the least I can do.  
  
"Iya! Don't do anything! MITSUO!"  
  
Gomen, Reika. Gomen. You'll be happier without me. You don't need a fifth wheel. Hell, you'll forget about it soon enough.l  
  
Shit! The truck's passed the tree! I'm late! I smile and wave again to Reika and see she's on the bridge. She runs pretty fast.  
  
But why is she here? She doesn't care. She wasn't there. If you cared Reika, why weren't you there to protect me from myself? Back then? Why? Why weren't you there?  
  
Well, it's time for my leap of faith. Eternal bliss or the fiery pits. Or maybe nothing. Heaven, Hell, or the Void, ready or not, here I come!  
  
"IYAAAAA!! MITSU~~OO!!"  
  
She's already at the railings. Reaching out a hand. Are those tears? Gomen Reika, but I'm already half way down. Falling headfirst should do the trick.  
  
It's kinda peaceful, falling like this. Like I'm flying.  
  
Hey.  
  
Are you here, Rosa?  
  
To make me smile?  
  
I promised. We'll be together again soon.  
  
Wait for me. I love you.  
  
Ros - 


End file.
